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Ps & Qs: A hitchhiker’s guide to Highway 133

Locations: Columns Published

By Jeannie Perry

(Note to loyal Ps & Qs readers: I would like to climb into a time machine and change two things about last month’s article. 1) The title should’ve been “Don’t Be Like Jeannie B.” and 2) Val Kilmer wasn’t in “Silverado.” I meant “Tombstone” (my sister called me up and told me to get a f***ing fact checker!)

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One of my favorite books of all time is “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” It contains truths that I’m certain are universal. And yes, I believe in aliens. Mostly because I find it incredibly arrogant to think we are the only life forms out there, but also because it’s lonely and sad to think that we’re as good as it gets. (And I am not alone in my belief. Astronaut Gordon Cooper believed in aliens, probably because he went to space, where they live, as does the Hon. Paul Hellyer, former Canadian minister of national defense. Believe in aliens, I mean; I do not think that the former Minister lives in space). See footnote.

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And to think, all these years we’ve been led to believe that “intelligent life,” (and I use that term loosely) as we know it, is the only kind in existence. Now, in fairness to the giant boom of babies, that’s what they were told and most of them never met a “tall white” in the desert of Nevada (not when they were sober anyway) so how would they know?

But our generation has way more access to the planet than any one before because of little devices we keep in our pockets that we use to watch kitten videos. Also, these devices make it harder and harder for the Air Force to keep a lid on things like this.

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As long as we’re discussing topics no one wants to admit, the issue of the Dolores Way and Highway 133 intersection reminds me of the planet in “Hitchhiker’s Guide” where the giant pig-like creatures have to have an officially stamped corresponding form, filled out in triplicate, submitted during regular business hours, and signed off on by Zaphod Beeblebrox in order to proceed with building an interstellar galactic highway.

Here’s the deal, as I see it. CDOT and RFTA are in a pissing contest and CRMS keeps trying to get someone to take look at its yellow signature in the snow, meanwhile minivans full of children are careening through dangerous left hand turns twice a day and no one’s doing a damn thing about it. CDOT doesn’t want a traffic light there and RFTA won’t let us use theirs, which is less than a block away (us being: residents of Satank, teachers and parents of the Community School’s students, anyone who works or shops at The Paint Store, CAT, The Fold, Sunsense Solar, Sopris Crossfit, NAPA, Ajax Bike & Sport, American National Bank Bank, etc.)

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At meeting after meeting it just goes round and round, and now two out of three Garfield County commissioners have voted to accept the highway plan as is, which includes a brand-new road through pasture land that comes out onto Highway 133 at a roundabout about 100 yards down the road. Someday. (This is CRMS land, and I’m sure they’ll give it to the town for a “good price” in exchange for the necessary zoning for it to become a development build-your-own-sundae.)

What no one seems to give a scoop of you-know-what about, is that Dolores Way is our only Way in and our only Way out. There is a county road through CRMS, but Garfield County vacated vehicle access years ago, and CRMS would like them to vacate pedestrian and bicycle access as well. (Or, CRMS could hire a strategic planner who doesn’t recommend building up their campus on a county right-of-way, just sayin’).

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Good God, I never thought I’d be interested in something as tedious as a future highway-access control plan. But I guess that’s what happens when you’re an earthling in her 40s and you live in a neighborhood “Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy … .”

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