The Sopris Sun

P’s & Q’s: Name the frightening futuristic tale

By Jeannie Perry

All right, since no one’s gonna come right out and say it, I will; Trump has a bromance with Putin. I believe Rosneft (Russia’s state oil company) sold 20% to the Trump Organization on the condition that sanctions would be taken care of. Soon. And then Flynn took the fall for the whole deal. What a Moe. Is it pretty much understood that Moe is the dumbest stooge? I don’t know, I’ve never really been a fan of The Three Stooges. I was much more into The Love Boat and Fantasy Island when I was growing up.
Oh, how I would like to go there now! Stepping off a tiny plane, greeted with a lei and a fruity cocktail, while Mr. Roarke explains to Tattoo that I come from a land of greed and idiocy… Or boarding a huge cruise ship before the oceans were filled with our trash, where the staff has all the time in the world to sit and listen to my problems; not to mention the poolside bar and endless buffet.
They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I say the way to an American politician’s work ethic is through his wallet. Money talks; and the good news is that we are rich. Americans can spend some money, boy! So it’s good to hear Patagonia, The North Face, REI and other retailers pulled out of the Outdoor Retailer show in Utah because the state seems hell-bent on wresting public lands out of the hands of the public (specifically, the Bears Ears Monument.) The move to transfer federal lands to the state is a ruse by some legislators to sell it to the highest bidder. The state cannot afford to maintain the land like the feds can, and until they legalize weed, Utah will continue to look for ways to make a quick buck. Besides, the land belongs to all Americans, not just Utahans.
I like to hike on public lands. It’s kinda like my church. The only downside is when I run into a hiker who looks like Doc from the Love Boat and wants to chat. Here’s a little tip for all you guys wearing 1970s serial-killer-style glasses; don’t comment on the desolation of your surroundings when you meet a woman hiking solo on a trail. Saying something like, “You’re the first person I’ve seen all afternoon!” does not inspire peace of mind. And don’t ask us if we “Come here often?” Public lands are not the poolside bars of our crazy times.
These are “Strange days indeed — most peculiar, Mama.” – John Lennon
To get through, I’ve been playing a little game of association. I like to call it Name the Frightening Futuristic Tale of the Day. For example, when watching TV and a commercial for a fried chicken taco shell appears, that’s Idiocracy (the movie. Go watch it.) Or when you find yourself watching a tortoise lead congress around by the nose and a warthog posed to sign heaps of paperwork in the oval office, that’s 1984 (the book. Go read it.) The scariest drama by far, though, is the national ‘newscast’ of talking heads wearing polka dots, as they laugh and scream at each other. It would seem we really are headed for the dismal districts of the Hunger Games.
I mean, the fact that a billionaire who has never been inside a public school even wants to be Secretary of Education is a clear indication of how broken our system is. Obviously positions in our government have become too cushy with way too many perks; think less school lunch, more cake. And it’s a steep, slippery slope down to the predictable Orwellian land of no public education, no public television, no public lands. I shudder to think what will happen to an uneducated working class when all the jobs are automated. The time is now to make our voices heard, to make our purchases with intent, and to make our politicians work for us. Otherwise an elite few will control all of the resources while the majority of people scrap for crumbs in the bread aisle. Like the Soviet Union, just a quarter of a century ago…